Last night at the mall I was appalling as usual. I went into Delias (my favorite store) and was immediatly greeted by a hot girl.



God. She looked like Lotte from Princess and the Frog except her eyes were not far apart and she had this huge smile. She was really adorable. I smiled ridiculously at her and thanked her for being courteous but wanted her to bother me moooore.

Now, before anyone goes: "but why didn't you hit on them". Here is why. I try not to hit on people at stores or work places because being someone in retail I get it a lot and it annoys me. So I try to be respectful and not try anything. Plus they are doing their job and it's rude of me also to interrupt them while they are at work.

But I did cross boundaries. Eventually I commented: "God why do I not shop here more often? All of the girls who work here are gorgous!"

"Tat there is a sales person right there. She heard you."

"I don't care! These women are beautiful and they should know it. They are extremely pretty." At least I didn't punctuate that with a: "and I would do them all!"

"That's rude, Tat." Said Rhap's sister.

"No no. It's not. I would want someone to tell me I'm pretty." Rhap defended my inappropriateness.

"Yeah and it's not like I said: "Hey beautiful." or "Someday you're going to make a man really happy." "Damn how old are you? 13?". These are all things that are said to me at work when I'm being hit on. It's really disgusting.

X

Today it snowed hard in the morning. I was pissed because when I woke up I saw it had snowed but when I went out later to get my car started I found it was SNOWING excesssivly. I figured I could still make it to work on time but as I went on the roads I realized I couldn't because I was sliding at 40 MPH. I phoned them and they understood and told me to just drive safe and not worry about the time. So I took advantage of that. I couldn't afford to go fast. :/ As I was going down the exit ramp the person behind me lost control of their car and ended up ramming into the sidewalls. Thankfully they were far enough away from me. I felt bad that I couldn't stop and check on them- I was going down a ramp and stopping would mean spinning out like they did.

They let me out of work early, which. . .I normally hate but they did it on the grounds that I live the farthest away. They let me go before it started to go dark.

So aside from work I have done nothing. I passed out and need to clean but keep catching a whiff of ADD. :,3

So my Asian side of the family introduced me to a new strange food: ant eggs. They taught me how to prepare Ant Egg Soup and made me strain the ant eggs which helped me get used to them. Some of them were partly hatched and staring at me, a few were fully grown. It didn't gross me out since they were all dead.

Come time the dish was done I just took a spoonful without thinking about it. The eggs are juicy, there is a bit of crunch to them. Overall I like it, but I still have slight issues with the fact that I'm eating bugs. I stare at it deadpan, and then remember that it tastes good and end up eating it. Let's add that I eat slowly since I have to repeat this process a couple of times.

They told me the ants' eggs are the cleanest since they live in the trees. This is debatable but since I would rather lick a tree than dirt I believe them.

X

I went shopping with rhap_chan and her sister tonight after work. I think I'm getting old because I don't like the fashion. I can see how it's cool but still...

And I was thankful I didn't like most of what was out there because that made me spend less. I only spent $25 at the mall and then later used up a gift certificate.

We also saw two lesbian couples on our trip! It's nice to see people so gay with each other. Me and Rhap went on about this next to a mom and her son. I'm sure we appalled them.

Froliche Weinachten, alles!

X

My oldest little sister was an angsty bitch last night and complained that she looked fat in this and that outfit. I tried to help her look cute and she did look really nice but she still spat on it and cried in a corner.

Ah, to be a whiny 13 year old bitch. :3 lol she said her Christmas was ruined and she hated the holiday so I told her she won't get any presents from me since she hates it so much.

And then she blamed her mom for ruining it for her, in which I yelled at her for blaming others and that it's immature.

And the source of her anger? She's JEALOUS of me for being scrawny and "flat" (she has huuge boobs). This is enough to make me less spaztic over my own chest. :,3 SHE THINKS I'M FLAT. AWWWW.

The youngest child was greedy and was sad that there wasn't "enough presents" even though dammit there were too many in my opinion. (DAD YOU GUYS ARE POOR WHYYYY ARGHSFLDKS) I really was annoyed by the youngest. . .not for being an annoying sister but she has the personality type that makes me want to smack someone. She's greedy, lazy, and er. . .unappreciative and. . .she likes the Jonas Brothers.

The middle child has early symptoms of a future gambling problem. We played Bingo and she raged as hard as a little old lady in a Bingo Hall. I have video of it but the connection here is slow. XD I will post it later!

AND OMG MY LITTLE BROTHER IS THE CUTEST. And it's kind of scary to realize my brother is going to grow up to look like me only more masculine and more Asian looking (I'm half, he's full blooded). We think he looks the most like me.



dsflkaj HE IS WEARING A KITTY TOWEL ON HIS HEAD.

X

My Dad should be banned from singing like I should be banned from giving lap dances.

Tat: I can mail you a box of condoms
and you can make balloon animals with your girlfriend

Turtle Turtle: ...FFFFF
If you sent me a condom balloon animal I may just die of the happies.
SEE, AND IT WOULD BE CHEAP.
But I kid. You don't have to send anything bb.

Tat: fff I read that as "Herpes"

Turtle Turtle: I may die of the herpes too.

Worst Kept Secret: ;-;;; i really hope it works
i've missed you so much ._.
sorry to be sappy but ffffh i'm sck and it's late is my excuse

Tat: no :3 I actually kind of like hearing that you miss me
/worries that I'm annoying sometimes

Worst Kept Secret: you are never ever annoying XD
at least. not to me
i cannot account for the world :>

X

This is too terribly true. It can be sad when this pie chart is used against you:

"I really don't understand why you don't show off your boobs. Why you feel like binding them." My room mate said a few days ago.

It's really simple: They don't feel like they're mine.

My boobs are considered small but they are also very round. They didn't used to be. They used to be small and kind of flat-ish. It was like I was just starting to hit puberty and personally I loved it. I liked being in between and my chest then felt like the real me.

But then I turned 20 and my breasts rounded out. That's when I started binding because I can't picture myself as someone with a noticeable chest. I don't like having a noticeable chest either. It's not because it lends attention to me (I still get that when I bind), it's my warped gender, it's not my definition of personal beauty. . and. . . the boobs make it harder to enjoy the designs on my T-shirts (flat chest makes it able to see the full picture, breasts kind of hide details of the picture).

I've started to get increasingly mad at my chest and I figured out why. Even the sports bras I've used to bind are no working anymore and it makes me wonder if my chest morphed into something I can't relate to AGAIN.

I've moved up to binding with bandages. I really miss the old days when I sort of had boobs but I didn't have to wear a bra.

X

Ahh and guys I'm sorry for not commenting a lot lately. I've been working full shifts non stop.

Here are my grades so far!

Intro to PC: C
Business Math: C

I did a dance seeing how I did in my math class. I was REAAALLY cutting it close. If I didn't do well on my final I would have failed.

Here is to hard work!

God.

Thank you.

Hallelujah.

The Pony Muffin tests (Competency tests) were not hard but STILL.

Also in Table Service class we learned how to flambe'. It was really awesome! I was the only bad ass in the class because when the teacher offered to let us try it out I was the only one who stood up.



By the way, these people aren't handling it safely. If that wasn't obvious ENOUGH.

X

Fought with the bookstore and could only get $30.00 out of a book.

It feels great that I won't have to go to school for awhile. Now to remember to call my dad about spending Christmas together.

2 More months until Japan. It really is coming quickly!

X

I took my Menu Competency test and all that's left if Table Service competency test.

Though, the "Competency test" part scared me and at Fran's suggestion I dubbed it "Pony Muffin Test" which made me feel tons better. All tests that scare me will be called this from now on.

X

Tonight I am making a carrot cake for my grandpa's work Christmas party. :3 I get paid too! I wish I had more people who asked me to commission them but considering work and finals it's a good thing.

After cake baking I'm going to see if I can go to lamia_forte 's house. I'm going to work on visiting friends over break! :3

Two years ago I discovered Guro. It started with my ex, Rachel showing me a Silent Hill thread she initiated on Gurochan. It was surprising but interesting. Eventually I found myself skimming there and then, and artist in the PPGZ community posted Guro art. . .and suddenly I found myself inspired to write it out (http://cartoon.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600040824)

Let's go back a tad. Despite my grandma having two legs amputated, I still felt ashamed of looking at people with deformities or missing limbs. I would look, then look away because I felt like they would be mad that I looked at them and at the same time, I worried I made them mad or sad because I DIDN'T look at them.

And now, I've noticed, after being exposed to Guro that I don't feel that way anymore. I notice this a lot because there is a good deal of customers I see at work that have some kind of "twist" to their bodies. And not once have I felt ashamed of looking at them straight in the face and smiling. I am able to see the lack of limbs and clouded eyes and still see them as people- not a tragedy case, and I feel comfortable enough with them that I don't get afraid that I offend them by looking/or not looking at them.

That's one of the things I like about Guro, it helps you accept that imperfect things, death, and the grotesque are a part of life and when you look closely.

. . . it's beautiful.